I will get stuff on here. Good stuff. Movie stuff. Food places stuff. Stuff about nice places I have stayed at for not many dollars.
Honestly, I always want to do 10,000 things and often all at once yet I find myself spending time doing none of them.It is a frustrating and on-going cycle that I know is not uncommon. Procrastinating is really easy while you do it, mildly hating yourself for doing it is hard.
And now I have school!!! I don’t like my program!!! I like some things about it but mostly the classes and content make me feel bad and guilty about existing, and guilty about living in a “developed” country, a guilty about consuming (more that I already feel), and weighed down by problems of inequality, violence, injustices of all kinds to which classes give no solution. “Look at all the horrible things that have happened, are happening, and could happen. Essay that won’t do a damn thing is due next week.”
I’ve been trying to not be pessimistic and I know there are better ways to look at school but it is very hard for me to be happy in this environment of academia. A tempting solution is “just don’t care about school” or “care just enough to pass”, which many people do. But then I feel bad for not doing well, ugh, it is in part my parent’s money that’s paying for me to be in school. But, really, the practice of not taking things so personally can be healthy, like in mediation.
This is not a fun post, apologies.
I also keep forgetting to say that Deborah is not posting on this site anymore. So it’s just me. I don’t know how to change the domain name and with things like my school insurance being annoying as fuxx about paying me for the wisdom teeth removal that they’re supposed to cover, I think I have other things to do at the moment. Or maybe I’m just lazy and don’t wanna get another name.
Also nobody reads this blog, like, at all. I don’t wanna be a whiner (but why am I sitting on the Seinfeld diner?) but no-views is not motivational.
This reminds me of that part of Inside Llewyn Davis where Llewyn’s manager is telling him that it’s hard to establish yourself as a solo artist after being in a duo and Llewyn is like “we were never that popular as a duo!” This is not a direct quote.
Ummm, things are coming. Yes. A new name, maybe. I want a theme with a lot of colours, palm trees, a logo that has both those things. I’m done with black-and-white minimalism. You hear that, boring/bored Toronto hipsters? D-O-N-E. There’s a lot of cynically annoying hipsters in Toronto with gross sunglasses and gross expensive vintage clothes and I need to find punk-rock peeps, or peeps who wear more colours. Tbh, I got peeps like that, why am I complaining?
I miss the East Coast and I was low-key tired of Toronto after seeing a hipster girl with a bag that said “My Prime Minister Embarrasses Me” and just thinking about how the city’s asleep by midnight and how cold (not temperature-wise, but that too) it can be. And then I was at FanExpo and I always love it there and the Metro Convention Centre has such a beautiful view of downtown. I was there, like, 3 magic-hour days in a row. I went out with friends. It’s a gorgeous city. I do love it. I am very glad I still love it.
Excuse the rant. But I do love this city a lot but there are some things- you can get over-saturated by not cool things about it. Like all the black clothes that aren’t even goth.
Its like in Inside Llewyn Davis when Llewyn starts shouting that he hates folk music.